❤️ Heart talks ❤️ : Toxic friendships?

Hey! 

Just decided to do a really nice heart talk with the tiny little audience of readers I have, and however tiny, I sure hope you read this because it's pretty much a good perspective. 

As human beings, we are social creatures. We need company, we need some form of assurance, and we group ourselves so that we don't stand that lonely against anything. But that's why we need friends, and well, in friends, we then find the toxicity of some of these friends. 

Let's face it. Everyone has insurmountable doubts about someone else sometimes. Maybe it's doubt, and maybe it's a sign. 

For years, I'm not going to lie, I've faced tons of friendship issues. I believe I don't have the most likeable personality. I'm not that kind, I'm pretty rough on the edges, and I'm not very trustful. Above all, I simply don't know how to socialise with people. On a scale of 1-10 as a friend, I'm positively a 7-8. But that's just what it is. You can be a great friend, but have no friends at all. Where my friends are little, I think I've found those little friendships more meaningful. 

Just recently, I started realising that the group I had been around for a year or so was changing. I felt excluded. I didn't want to voice such a stupid insecurity to the world because it felt like I was being a little too selfish. But then I start to realise that maybe it wasn't just my insecurity, but obvious signs. I think a lot of people nowadays are afraid to let go of their toxic friendships because they are afraid of judgements from others. And how do I know? Because I was too. I didn't want people to think I came off as "bitchy" for putting my friends off, but I genuinely didn't think they were much good for me. In countless opportunities to work together, I often felt I had to ensure a spot in a group in order to get by. And the moment I stopped, I realised that my presence was forgotten ever so fleetingly. They stopped accounting for me. They stopped giving a damn. 

But that's just what these kind of friends are. They make you feel needy of them, to assert your presence around them, despite the fact that they really don't care that much about you. I hate to say this, but that's what toxic friends are. 

I know some people may be wondering, why talk about this now? Because over the years, I've seen many people talk about things such as "my friend was bullying me", "my friend was using me" and yet they take forever to let go. Because there are so many people who give the benefit of the doubt all the time to such toxic friends, these people thrive whilst the others who feel the need to assert themselves around them just feel worse. But also, I feel like such people can't let go because they feel misunderstood, that no one would know why they chose to let go of such friendships. And well, I wanted to give a place for those people to know, they ARE noticed, and people around do know how they feel, they just don't know where to find each other. 

Perhaps my words could empower another to find the strength to leave the friendships that take away their self-worth and value. And if so, bless your heart that you find a great one leaving you empowered. 

I think a friendship should empower you. If your friendship makes you feel like you've lost your self worth, or you always have to give in, or you always have to know what others like or want and that is never reciprocated, then maybe it's not the right one for you. I'm not saying that these people are bad, I'm just saying that they're bad for you. You may not think it, but I'm sure you would feel it if you noticed really closely. Now I'm also not implying that you drop your friends like a rock immediately, but if you realise that your efforts to fix it don't seem to be quite right, then yes. Drop it like a rock, and learn to let go. 

Friendship, is never conditional. Friendship is about being inclusive, and caring for one another. Have your friends been excluding you? Because I think mine have. Forget it that they don't reply you, but catching them in the flesh and blood together, without having a mind to drop you a text or call you out, and then saying it was "spontaneous" or "random" or "unintended". Stop fooling yourself, they're leaving you out. At first when my "friends" did that, I felt quite alright. Yes. Maybe they were just too random. But that led to me to remember one more thing that got me in the right line. So what if it's spontaneous? Do you know what that means? The term spontaneous doesn't have anything to do with excluding people. Spontaneous means spur of the moment, but if your friendship is real, then the moment should always include you unless there truly are some gruesome circumstances where you couldn't be invited. Your friends should never leave you out of any outings without good reason, or they probably aren't that great. And if you feel hurt about things like that, then it's time to let go. You'll find better people, but they aren't the ones. What you need, are friends who will always include you because they keep an eye out for you. If they aren't even going to call you out, then what makes you think they've got your back? They probably won't, and you are probably wasting your time. 

I think that throughout my life, I've had a rather bad social life. I can't seem to keep a lot of friends, but that's just a really negative way to think. Think positive. Quality>quantity always. When I was younger, I really aimed for quantity and never really the quality. You could have a thousand meaningless friendships, or you could have just a few meaningful ones. I realised that I do have friends whom throughout my life, no matter how bad the circumstances, or how I may have crossed them, they saw through it all and realised that they could accept me for being whatever I wanted. Even if it changed, our friendship never really did. Having a friend doesn't mean you have to text him/her every single day and update about your life, but when you're in need, they will help you in whatever way they can. Even though you may have little time together, because both of you are bogged down by the time consuming things in your normal lives, you will always have time for each other whenever that is needed. Do you have someone like that? Then yes, you have a friend. Keep it, nurture it, and the benefits you shall sow are far better than what thousands of meaningless friendships can ever give you. Compare your friendship to nothing else. Never compare it. Because comparison gives you unhappiness when what you have, is beautiful. Put your real friends first, and don't even give space to the meaningless ones. 

Once again, I reinforce: toxic friends, are not bad people. They just don't suit you, that's all. Hope you found this a comforting read :) 

With that being said, that's my heart talk with you all today. I hope you find life wonderful, and happiness be flowing in you all always ❤️❤️ 

Till next time! 

Love,

Khione